The truth is,

laziness is my undoing.


I’ve never had to, never learnt to put in a lot of effort to acquire knowledge and understand things at school. In primary school, I deliberately lowered my grades and studied less so to be more equal to my classmates. Not tower above them like a genius (which I am not, but the average level was dismal in my class). I didn’t understand people who learnt for maths or English tests. I only ever learnt for tests where you had to memorize rather than understand, such as history or biology.

In high school, I was surrounded by somewhat brighter students. Likewise at university, but even a lot of my BA courses were cruising (from an intellectual perspective). I did have to study for them (to memorize), and some sort of motivation to study for exams I do have, but outside that – I just can’t be bothered to systematically work towards improving myself. The rewards are not concrete enough. I wonder if it’s the early years of being so used to doing very little to obtain good results that this has become ingrained. I’m really just naturally lazy too, of course, no doubt about that.

I’ve spent years at a point from which I don’t develop further intellectually. It’s snug here. I’m smart enough. Just enough. I can write tolerably enough. My English is decent enough. Everything is enough. Not great, but enough.

I’ve put no effort into being here intellectually, but I would have to if I wanted to progress further from this point.

But the laziness and self-satisfaction.

I’ve been thinking that I’d like to live like the moomins really. Their family dynamics are delightful. And if you want to be a moomin, there is no reason to become very intelligent, but you would need to have an open mind and an intelligence for living. As a moomin, I can have strawberries on the veranda and stars in the sky bright enough to get a stiff neck from staring. I can build a tree house with the kids and water my husband from the watering can when he is napping (and I’m not).

But it’d take a few years until then. These days, I have to content myself with threatening to water the cat.

And meanwhile, my laziness does frustrate me.

So there. Hoping against hope to conquer it.

How to spend a Monday morning

  • Wake up at 9.40 because someone is calling. Not because I actually would wake up so early. It’s always either the cat making a racket or someone else disturbing my sleep.
  • Be in a bad mood and compare myself to Natasha Rostova. Fret about the usual things.
  • Make breakfast, find out there is no work with deadlines to be done today and that the employer seems to have taken a holiday.
  • Contemplate going for a walk in the woods. But later.
  • Decide that I have to have a more regulated schedule or I can’t handle this year of not being able to do anything to better my life. I’m probably still¬† – or again? – at an age where a year seems like an eternity. Count how many books I have on my shelf that I haven’t read – 31 – and decide I’ll try and have the lot of them read through by June. Consider it unrealistic, and decide 15 is a better number. Transfer a bunch of non-fiction PDF books to my tablet for reading in addition to fiction.
  • Since the cat is hyperactive, play with her. Play with her lots.
  • Discover that one girl on Instagram has an awesome cat duvet I must also have. Google for the same store and the duvet. Contemplate how great internet shopping is as it allows me to order unusual stuff from abroad. My country is such a backwatery place with a very small market, so the stores here only cater to the average of average in taste. It’s not possible to get a wood imitation bathroom shelf or blue wallpaper with roses. Importing minority taste items just isn’t profitable here.
  • Start humming Softly As I Leave You. Since I don’t know the lyrics too well, I automatically switch to Fly Me To The Moon at one point, unsure of what that song is at first. Find it on YouTube and continue. Be eyed by the cat suspiciously. Try to get over it and carry on, but her disapproval is too evident. She is more of a Beethoven aficionado.

In other words, on days like this, I love my job. I do have some work I could be doing, but it’s not pressing, so it will be done in the evening.

New in: cat edition


This is the only half-decent photo she allowed me to take

Kibble: Orijen with chicken

Canned food: Applaws with tuna filet

Snack: GimCat Sticks with beef

Claudicat’s package arrived this morning! And she was very excited to explore its contents. I got excited too, seeing her so happy and curious. She has previously been eating pet store brand foods (Proplan, Hills, Royal Canin, Gourmet), but the ingredients lists did not please me.¬† They are the cat equivalents of junk food. Salmon pate containing 4% salmon just does not sound right, does it? She also seems to have developed an addiction to kibble. If I gave her all the kibble she wanted, she’d puff up like a balloon from overeating. So diagnosis: Claudicat is a junk food addict.

Now, everyone knows that junk food addicts don’t eat healthy food. Claudicat is also not a fan of home food and it’s a struggle to get her to eat real chicken or fish, but we manage somehow. She eats them, grumpily, but eats. So I was quite apprehensive whether she’d eat her new kibble by Orijen, which promises to contain higher quality ingredients and be grain free. I’ve bought her higher quality canned foods previously and these she sometimes completely refused to eat.

But! She ate it up like a good cat! I was very pleased. Her package also contained canned tuna by Applaws and a cat snack for a gift. Isn’t it lovely when stores add something extra to the package? Claudicat was very purry about the extra too.


This is the usual type of photo she allows me to take