I was told not to post this because it would be another instance of me being too hard on myself. I rejected that assessment because while I may engage in self-deprecation, it is frequently tongue-in-cheek. I am aware that other people may not spot it and will interpret it as me being too hard on myself, but it is not quite so. I just have a weird sense of humour and like being able to laugh at myself sometimes. And at life and other people and the tragicomedy of things. But gently really. With affection. Not harshness.
The other day I thought my blog, and my writing here, is like British comedy meets lyrical Romanticism. Both have had an impact on my style and I frequently paraphrase my favourite comedies.
Anyhow, not the topic here. Topic is how dense I am about guys liking me and the mind-boggling explanations my brain is capable of conceiving instead of the obvious.
Today, this happened: I had been travelling with buses all day, looking pretty bad, fringe had grown too long and needed a hairdresser as well. I was sitting on a bench, glued to my tablet screen, reading an article about psychopharmacology. Then some guy walks up to me and after sorting out what language we should communicate in and whether I am local, says he’d like to invite me some place. I then tell him I can’t, I’m going away this evening.
Quite the run-of-the-mill exchange, right? But it took me two hours to realise he was probably* asking me out. While he was doing the talking, I assumed he was one of the advertising people who go around asking people to come to some event they organise, but he had just forgotten his leaflets/flyers behind.
How the hell does my brain think of these things?!
First day of my psychology course. Lecture room. I sit and read a book. Many other people use tablets or phones. Some guy sits next to me and asks why am I not using Facebook. I am confused, thinking he has somehow found out I have not added myself to our course’s FB group, so I ask him “How do you know I’m not using it?” It seemed an odd thing to know. He points to other people around us. I still fail to get it that he is referring to the immediate situation around us. I reply with something inappropriate again. The rest of the conversation went alright, so it kind of erased that terrible beginning. But yes, he was talking of the people around us being on FB and me preferring to read. Not some FB group I did not join. He did not even know my name, how could he know this?! Obviously my brain did something weird here again.
I console myself with the information I read somewhere that the more intelligent a person, the more complex their brain circuits, so needlessly complex answers to simple questions can happen as a side-effect. This too I’m not in absolute earnest about. Now comes the part I actually think: I think a large part of it is that in both situations I was also focused on something else and totally in my own bubble, so coming out of that is like waking from sleep. You are not the full ticket.
*I’m actually still not 100% sure what was that about. Probably a bet or a dare of some kind because it is highly unusual.